What Men Want


More beer. More cheese. More sex.
Vitamin fortified cigars.
Public beer fountains.
Kitty catapults.
All day happy hour at a lesbian Hooters.
Wet T-shirt Fridays.
Replace NFL linebackers with genetically bred velociraptors.
Rocket boots.
Machine gun camp.
NASA space shuttle races.
Sledgehammer boxing.
Girlfriend TiVO so you can pause, rewind, and delete arguments.
Congressional pie fights.
Government research grants to build the perfect chicken parmesan hero.
More beer. More cheese. More sex.
Tomahawk missile surf boards.
Hot tub jury boxes.
Nacho cheese lipstick.
Personal midget-ninja chauffeurs.
New TV shows: PBS' The BBQ Hour, Total Kung-Fu Live, and America's Funniest Farts.
24-hour, on call UN negotiator for when you stumble home late, drunk, with lipstick stains on your collar.
More beer. More cheese. More sex.
Condoms that whistle, whir, and honk when used.
Inflatable sex dolls who cook.
Beef jerky business cards.
Combination briefcase/pizza oven.
National Make-Out with Cheerleaders Day.